I hate you. I hate you that much that I don't want to see you.

Nakakainis na ha. Ayoko nagpo-post ng negative pero nakakainis na. Limit ko na talaga to. Nasaktan mo ko ngayon pero tandaan mo hinding hindi na ko iiyak ulit dahil sayo!

Strange as it is to me, I have found the strength to open this account. Possibly blog something? So how's everybody?

Yet again, I need to find a way to keep my mind off things. It's the start of the second half of the year and I am useless, still. It can't go on like this. I can't believe, I'll be 27. Time for me to indulge. Time for me to fully live.

V-Day

Happy Hearts' Day, everyone!!!

Valentines' Day at RCBC Plaza, Makati

I'm sending you all my love and everything that's left of my sweetness. It's not an ordinary day for me though It's my second year to be single this Valentines' Day! It might look boring in the office today and you can't even sense the occasion but I still feel happy. I'm happy to be doing what I love today (Though hindi ko ma-practice pagka-sweet ko sa relationship. In time, I know.)  And I feel contented even though mama, papa, facebook and officemates/friends were the only ones who greeted me today (besides madami na yung more than 5. lol). Naks! I feel so mature. hahaha. 

Ang saya ko, kasi dati akala ko hindi ko kaya. Na hindi ko kaya na mag-break kami ng ex-bf  ko of almost 6 years. Pero kaya ko pala. Mas masaya pa ko ngayon. Na-realized ko na dapat matagal na kami naghiwalay at hindi talaga mag-work out yung relationship na yun kahit anong pilit at habol na gawin ko. Na-realized ko din na madami nga talaga gago sa mundo (Iba kasi pag na-sample-an ka eh) Kahit anong bait mo magagago ka pa rin. This is life! I feel a lot more stronger than I was before. Saka kahit anong gawin ko yung base na feelings ko everyday palaging masaya. For me, that's enough and I Thank you, God.

I was at Glorietta yesterday and bought some things for my laptop. Then, right after I left, I realized that the cashier gave me a large amount of change (as if I only paid half the price of the items I bought). My conscience came and I have two options:

1. Just move on with it. It's not my problem they didn't calculate it properly.

2. Go back and give them the excess change.

Of course, knowing myself, I did the latter because It's the right thing to do. I went back and looked for the woman who assisted me. I told her "Miss, sobra yung sukli mo sa kin, diba dapat **** lang?" She looked petrified and disgusted (to the woman who handed me the change) at the same time. She immediately looked for that woman and forgot to say thank you (Pero okay lang naman. Slight lang naman yung pag-asa ko na magthank you sya. lol) I never ask for something in return and I'm not the type of person "na pinapamukha yung utang na loob." Just like in my previous relationships, I always try to do the right things and would never in a million year do something that would hurt a person. And I shall stay the same. (O diba mai-relate lang sa relationship. Pagbigyan nyo na ko Valentines' Day naman ngayon. haha)

How about you? What good deed have you done, lately?

Sa mga may relationship ngayon, nagiisip ka pa ba ng tama o mali o deadma lang sayo?

I want to do a lot of things. But, I keep on waiting around for something (Take note: something not someone -para sa mga assuming!)

I still feel the same (in life)
Something has to change.
I'm still not motivated to write.
I still feel tired all the time.

C-I-T-A-D-E-L ~ An Acrostic Poem!

C-an you stay awhile?

I-t won't be the same without you

T-though I know it will be for your own good

A-lways remember that you'll always have a friend in me and

D-on't ever forget all the memories we've shared

E-ven when you're already distant from this place,

L-iving your dreams far away

DON'T LOOK FOR MY PAST BLOGS, MOST OF MY WRITINGS ARE DELETED FOREVER. OKAY?

 

At first, you commit in a relationship with a guy trusting that he will be responsible enough to tell you the truth. I don't mean coming clean with the past.

You know. Honesty!
When he tells you he loves you or he misses you, you sort of hold on to that thinking it's true and his actions suggest it otherwise. Whatever happens when you cannot trust him at first? And besides the first few months of relationships should have this I'm-walking-on-the-clouds effect.

But No. Gosh! Some guys are so full of it! They fool you into a relationship and then leave without any explanations at all. No questions asked. No links, as if it never happened.

On another note, some relationships last a while but in the midst of that, you ask us why we don't trust you anymore. Well, have you done something to earn it?
No.

You know what. Screw you! You don't deserve to have the sacrament of matrimony nor have a child. Aren't you scared? Or you don't even care at all? Perhaps it's the latter.

***Madaming lalaki at babae nasasaktan sa mga ganitong tao. Hindi alam ng lahat na cycle ito. Mananakit ka ng babae/lalaki. Tapos yung mga iniwan may "2 choice," yung magstart again from scratch in a new relationship pero yung isang choice yung gaganti at mananakit din ng ibang tao. So paulit-ulit lang. Sana magsama sama na lang kayo sa isang place. Saktan nyo yung mga katulad nyo. Hindi nyo deserve matitinong tao.***

In the end, you will be judged.

EVENT HORIZON

I watch as hours turn to a day

Days turn to a week 

Weeks turn to a month

And then nothing...

Photo not mine

All of a sudden a supernova took place and a black hole was formed drawing frequencies from different dimensions allowing two parallel and entirely different universe to conspire.

This is a positive energy. It changed my outlook in life, completely, drastically from my downward spiral life.

What I like about this occurrence, is that it was real. For a moment I can call it reality. (It's so astonishing what a moment can do to your life)

 I opened up my life without hesitation and without expecting anything in return. 

I was able to change my mindset or more like re-setting my life from that moment on. 

It's beyond inspiration. I cannot pull back time and I don't want to return. After that gravitational pull everything only goes forward and it is limitless. I call it Event Horizon.

For Hazel

To me you're the epitome of an independent woman.

I look up to you after I silently scrutinized (in a good way) all your good qualities.

And I'm at awe.

I only need to exchange a few words with you to be able to trust you. Did you know that?
You have this innate goodness, not just because you're mommy Hazel already (which you're doing a great job by the way) that radiates from within.
Everyday.
Yes!
Everyday.

Even when you're down in the dumps, more so when you're completely happy.

Well it's typical to me not to look for negative personalities in a person (That's just me. I don't judge) But you know what Hazel? You don't have one. Kuya Arvin's just lucky to have you. From all the things you've been through, kuya chose the right one and he's just crazy not to.

Don't change Hazel. You're perfect.
I'm telling you in an intellectual way which  is more important. Because some people see perfection in beauty which I find so fake and materialistic and I know that you're gonna contradict me with you're looks. But for the record and I don't think you needed reminding - you're beautiful.

Fret not, Hazel. You are loved widely by all of us. We're here for you in every way, anyway we can. And we just can't contain the excitement to this new phase in  your life.

Wishing you more happiness and contentment!!!

 

.

I want to share my version of propositional logic (don't judge):

Anyone that is contented is happy

Being happy makes you perceive life as perfect.

Therefore when you're contented, you're perfect.

I believe that it's human nature to look for something MORE.
When you're rich, youwant to have more money than what you currently
have or when you're beautiful,

you still find flaws to correct in you. But to be happy you just have to be

contented. And through contentment you will find perfection

Random Thoughts

*When I think about it, I'm so flabbergasted on how I handle my life's challenges for 10 years now.

*I hate immature men. Period.

*I can't wait to come home tonight and watch Divergent for the nth time 'til I can't get enough of Theo James. haha

* Also, I'm so curious with "A Good Lie," so I'm gonna watch it as well tomorrow night.

*I'm wondering if it's worth it to watch Mockingjay Pt 2...

*I want time to stop for a while, please. I'm not really doing anything right now but my inability to focus is making me tired.

*I just want to be with my parents.

*As of now, I'm able to avoid Facebook not unless someone sends me a message and I'm filtering my friend requests again. Don't ask.

*Right now, I'm working. I'm not busy with work but I'm afraid I'm so busy with my life. :/

Kimmy!

As of right now, I'm still in-denial to the fact that you're already in QC on Monday. I've been pretending "na nakaVL ka" (since you're always on leave during weekends before you left IHG.. hahaha) I have so many "kwento" na.  Then supposedly your rest day is Monday-Tuesday and mine is Thursday-Friday (So ganun na lang... kunwari nakaleave ka lang the whole time.. Advance awop ng Wednesday... haha)

Miss you!

Nameless

I remember this one night, at Paseo de Magallanes, 3 years ago... My non-existent ex-bf was then breaking up with me in the corner (because he doesn't want to be seen by his cousins) He decided to leave me like what he always do. I was left with no choice but to break down and cry as I sit somewhere near an empty parking, crying (tanga ko talaga, bwiset) But that's not entirely the point of this post.

Suddenly, an SUV parked right in front of me. I somehow tried to refrain myself from crying like a baby! (Nakakahiya) Total fail, though. I was shattering inside. This guy driving that vehicle walked up to me (He was really tall and has this longer hair than the usual hair men have - of course his face didn't register in my mind - kasi wala talaga ko nakikitang iba, yung non-existent ex-bf ko lang, ganun ako kafocus sa walang kwentang relationship na yun) He said "Are you OK?" and I replied "I'm fine, thank you." (Pero halata naman hindi eh. Well, alangan naman mag-open up ako sa di ko kilala noh!) He went back to his car and handed me this one pack of tissue (Oh diba prepared sya?)  I thanked him and he asked me again if I need anything else and I said Im okay na. He went to the restaurant and stayed for like 15 mins before he left the area. Of course, Im still there. He asked me If I wanted juice (take note: juice talaga, hindi water. I said no and thanked him, again)

I realized that there are still men who have good intentions eventhough madaming "g*go." Wala lang kinilig lang ako sa concern nya sa kin 3 years ago. If I were to pick my future, I want him to be like that nameless guy from Paseo de Magallanes.

Okay, China. Alam ko of 'chinese descent' ako. Pero sa tingin mo ba may sense 'tong pinaglalaban nyo? Hindi ba talaga kayo maga-'abide' sa "Law of Sea" na kahit anong bansa may tinatawag na "Territorial Waters" na mageextend ng 12 Nautical Miles (22.2 km). Sakop namin si Spratly Islands, pati Scarborough Shoal. May pinaglalaban kayo na map dated before the start of time? Kaya nga may law diba? Napakapasaway nyo. Okay, hanggang dun na lang. Tama na ha?

Yung "love" ko kasi kakaiba. One of a kind. Yung kahit na nasaktan na ng sobra, magbibigay pa rin ng 110%. Yung "love" na akala mo palaging first. Kasi pag ako nag"commit" mawawala lahat ng "past". Yung "love" na parang hindi ako nasaktan.

#hopelessromantic

This is my month and no one can ruin it! Ha!

On the contrary, I've been allowing these little signs from "destiny?" into my life and decided to open myself to this one particular person. I'm trying to be open- minded and positive. I mean, if we're  all so negative what would happen to the world? I know he can love me the way that I wanted to be loved. But as always, there will always be a "but" in a statement. I've been waiting for God to give me a sign (since I don't believe in it).

Here it goes...

I have so many things to say but due to the weight of my thoughts I can't quite organize my words and I hate this feeling. Seriously, I just want to sleep all day, everyday. Like right now, I'm not even doing anything but I'm so sleepy. This has got to stop. I've been thinking about this for a while now. More like a year. Can you feel the weight of my thoughts? My life is so repetitive. Tomorrow, I'll go home and do my chores, listen to music, go out with someone (briefly) then sleep. I don't even read anymore. As if my brain cells are deteriorating and I'm becoming stupid. :/ Then I'll go back to Manila. Saturday, Sunday and Monday will pass abruptly then I'd notice it's already Tuesday. What's  happening?