"Natabunan kaya hindi ko nakita"

I thought I can no longer access this account as my mind can't keep up with my emails way back 2010. Thank goodness, I was able to change this email years ago which I don't entirely remember. Thank goodness the password is the same with my present email. I really really wish I can write again the way I wrote my poems way back. 

I'm back and I still feel tired all the time.
I don't write anymore.
I don't  remember things anymore.
I don't listen to songs anymore.

I can't even type long sms or chats or whatever it is people call it these days.

I'm almost 32 years old in 5 months.

What the fuck happened?

I watched The Butterfly Effect again (cause' it's Ashton Kutchers) but all it did was made me sad.

I'm worried that I won't be able to sleep again like last night where I was so wide awake at 5 in the morning.

What the fuck happened?

I'm planning to deactivate socmed again. This time, for months. 

I don't want to go back to Newton but I don't want to stay here in the office.

Only eth is making me happy for like a few seconds. Maybe that's why I always log-in every 3 minutes just to feel lively.

Bakit palagi na lang ako?

Ano ba ginawa ko, nagawa ko o hindi ko nagawa?

Tell me something good

Tell me something good.

 

Tell me something good.

                        Tell me something good.

                                    Tell me something good.

Tell me something good.

                    Tell me something good.

                                                    Tell me something good.

                            Tell me something good.

Tell me something good.

                                                            Tell me something good.

Tell me something good. 

So what happened?

As of right now, it's Day 41 since the quarantine has been implemented. And, I've yielded to movies about the World War II. Curious with the Nazi Occupation early on, but now I'm stuck with Winston Churchill and obsessing with his "We Shall Fight to the Beaches" speech (which made me cry by the way).

FIRST TIME STAMP ON 2020 AMIDST THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

Trying to make a cover of this song. So millenial of me but I don't care. #before30

"God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run... searching for meaning. But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?"

I'm watching 'You've Got Mail' for the 2nd time around. Perhaps because I've had goosebumps when Dreams of Cranberries started playing at the beginning. Then I kept listening to it over and over again on Spotify despite the situation I'm in right now. 'Dreams' is a love song, you know. Now I understand what Dolores O'Riordan was feeling when she wrote and sang this. I don't remember watching this movie. I might have problems with my short term memory but my long term memory is still intact. Thank G. I guess, I waited for 21 years before watching this movie. haha.

It's 3 am in the morning and I'm wide awake until now that I'm beginning to write this. I used to be amped up in blogging. But since, I have my Facebook and Instagram deactivated, I guess I'll pour my thoughts here. I have work later at 10 am. What a joy! Gosh, why do I feel stupid? This is not me. OMG. It feels like my neurons are dying and my brain is deteriorating. I can't even start a book. Knowing me? I used to read Harry Potter in 3 hours. Now I can't even finish 1 chapter. Ugh! What's wrong with meeeee??? I can't even finish movies. Such a blessing if I finish 1 movie in a day. I'm always sleeping or thinking. I'm not overthinking, though, that I'm sure of. I'm not even consistent in writing when comparing myself 7 years ago. I felt so may heartbreaks in the past 5 years and not one made me want to write. I used to write beautiful poems or blogs after crying 10 years ago but I can't anymore. What will it take?

I really need to exercise. I need to pursue climbing. Then piano lessons. Then reading. Then mountain climbing. Resigning? Then everything will fall into place. I can feel it. 

Ohh next thing I know, I finished 2 paragraphs already. This is nice. Only because of Dreams. God, I love that song. The guitar, the drums... I hope to open up here in the next coming days, weeks, months and years... Let me tell you my thoughts about Money Heist next time. Make me remember Money Heist (from my short term memory. hehe)

Good night and good morning, Dian...

... will continue to watch You've Got Mail until I fall asleep.

 Quezon Avenue, Lucena City

Original Mocha Roll, Egg Pie and Cathedral Window Jelly inside.
Thanks much, Goldilocks!
I'm such a happy kid for a few hours...

I need to settle for less...

I have to force this now.

Movies to Watch on Netflix Tonight

• Bridget Jones' Diary (again and again)
• Hitch (At last.. lol)
• Leap Year
• Definitely, Maybe
• He's Just Not That Into You
• 500 Days of Summer
• Under The Tuscan Sun
• Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Random Trip to Jollibee

COMFORT FOOD WITH THE PARENTALS, WITHOUT THEM KNOWING HOW DEPRESSED I AM TONIGHT.

When I see your smile, tears run down my face...

How this world turns cold and it breaks though my soul...

Though my skies are turning gray...

Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 2007

This is funny but it's true at the same time. What the fuck? Sigh*

5 months to go 'til I turn 30. Wow last time I was only 10 and everyone thought the world will end on 2000.

I'm loving my short hair right now. I should've done this years ago.
But I think the timing is right. I look more Chinese/ Korean/ Japanese, though
I wish I inherited more of my Spanish blood into my looks.
What do you think?
June 2019

At The Verge of 29

I'd never thought my life would be this complicated (looking back 15 years ago). Wow, people can make you feel fed up in your life. I really miss hanging out with people who bring out the best in you. Hello 2019. I now don't know what to do in life. Guys with girlfriends ask you directly if you want to sleep with them. I mean WTF? What's wrong with the world? I'm giving up on this. It's time to slap their faces and don't ever commit to anyone. It's either "gago" or "stalker/loser" types. No, thank you. Pass.